my recent adventures in procrastination took me down the path to facebook flare. what is that you say? well, it is buttons! buttons with pictures, buttons with messages, and so on. i was browsing the flare for some goodies to send to my friends and i began to notice a theme. there were five major types of flare. 1) christian flare. 2) pro-obama flare. 3) pro-mccain flare. 4) chuck norris flare (do not ask my why - i do not know) and 5) miscellaneous, which is usually the best. as i was perusing the many pieces of flare available for distribution, i found myself getting really mad. when i asked myself why, it turned out i was noticing a pattern...the pro mccain flare was really out there - comparing obama with hitler and bin laden, calling obama a baby killer, racist statements, and so on. the pro-obama flare was a lot of tina fey and comments on mccain's age. here's the thing - why is it that we allow ourselves to get so swept up and emotionally involved over these elections - seriously? do we really think things are going to change so much? does everyone really believe that george bush in all his male whiteness had that much influence over other people. the events of 9/11 had been in the works for a very long time and were fueled and a result of foreign policy put in place many years before. and any new president is only going to be cleaning up the messes of the past administrations and while creating new messes for future administrations. think about it. are either barack obama or john mccain far enough removed to stop the processes of the materialistic society that we live in and make real, effective, lasting change? i say probably not. each person believes he is doing what is best for the nation, but let us not fool ourselves. we each think that is what is best for ourselves is what is best for the nation. we are all self-serving to a degree and that is our downfall. instead of pointing fingers, calling names, and bringing this dirty energy on ourselves why don't we actually begin a dialog that will help us to unite as a nation or at least a community and begin to move toward real change that heals instead of hurts others.

so i sit here (still procrastinating) and think about my votes this year. this is the first time i have filled out a ballot since 1992. before i claimed that i didn't care or that my vote didn't count. recently i have read blogs about voting and people feel that there are not candidates or measures that represent their views, needs, and values. for me the issue becomes much bigger. i don't think i want to be a part of this machine that is growing and moving at ever faster rates. if i vote, i perpetuate an american ideal that this is the perfect form of government and that how we live our lives, make our money, raise our children, indoctrinate our youth, etc. is actually right and righteous. i do not know that we are right or righteous. i do not know that we are on the right path.

so i will vote, because my small voice will not be heard and i will not stop the machine - or even pause the system - to make people think. and i will do as many others do: i will keep on living, head down, hoping that i can do as little damage as possible before i finally get to die and not feel horribly guilty anymore about not being able to save the world.

the conversation went something like this...
me: '[so and so] really needs to get a new picture up on her myspace page.'
friend: 'yeah, i spend all day looking at people's myspace pages and the pictures are what gets them in the end.'
me: what do you mean?'
friend: it's my job to look potential employees up on myspace, facebook, and blogging sites to see what they are really like.'

it got a little tense after that. i am completely disgusted that employers are doing this. not because it's an invasion of privacy (really if you don't want everyone to know those things, don't put them up on the internet). mostly it's the presumption that you can decide whether a person is good at his or her job based on how they present themselves on line and make judgements about them on that information. maybe the person you are looking at has an excellent work ethic and record, but needs a place to commune and blow off the steam of everyday life stresses. maybe that person wants to experience what it is like to be viewed differently. and most of the people on myspace and facebook are still so young and immature that you wouldn't really expect anything different given their role models and the permissive society in which we live.

i spent the first half of my working life being told to separate my personality and personal life from my work. 'leave it at home' is a phrase i have heard hundreds of times. so we create these places where we can be ourselves or play at being something besides the drones we spend 80% of our waking lives being and suddenly it's not ok. now it looks as though they want to know about all of that stuff. [you can't have it both ways people - make a frickin' decision!]

i worked in a human resources department once and the director of hr made some hiring decisions based on lunch time conversation with a friend who had experience with the person in question - can you say unethical? jeez - it's like these people have no idea the impact their privileged actions and decisions have on those who are beholden to them for jobs and resources.

to those who would say 'oh it's always been like that,' or 'what can you do?' i say get off your apathetic ass and do something. the reason it has always been this way is because people (myself included) are too self-involved and afraid of losing their status, comfort, toys, or perspective to take a stand and say 'this is wrong.' not the searching the internet part, yeah that's an annoying and wasteful use of resources, but the way we judge and the way our system is set up to penalize those who step outside the box or choose not to follow the masses. yes, i agree there are people out there who are totally uncivilized and yucky - my neighbors scare and irritate the hell out of me with their toothless, drinking, smoker's coughing ways - but should they be denied the opportunity to have a decent life all because the rich, white men have decided that's the way it has always been. it is those sorts of attitudes that keep classist systems flourishing in this world.

better yet, we stand on those rotting laurels and stare off into the smog of far away lands and say 'you are wrong, our way is better.'

glass houses and those without sins and all that...

With so much going on this summer, I feel as though I am not really getting a break. To fix that, I decided to show myself just how hard I am working and just how much I am accomplishing even on the days that whiz by. First, I made a delicious batch of blueberry/raspberry jam that passed my gran's standards (even if she did say I needed more sugar). Next, I joined 43 things, a website designed to help you track and share goals from minute to life-changing. This is great because I can see for myself the little things I am doing and I am feeling less lazy.

The real trouble is the black hole we call the basement. If I could just rent a dumpster and have a week off, I might get it all done. Until then, I must settle for 10-20 minutes a day, which is difficult given that I have a draft of my lit review due in 11 days (one of my goals on 43 things is to stop procrastinating).

I joined the local gym too, so that I could get in shape this summer. The day after my first workout, I was so sore I could barely go down the stairs. After a weekend of stretching and resting I went back only to injure myself int he first 5 minutes. I was seriously discouraged. Tomorrow it is back on the horse (treadmill) and on with the goal (I want to start running).

*sigh* busy busy busy